I’ve never stopped and thought about actually living in New York and realizing the opportunities that I have to express myself, until this year. New York is a beacon to protests and movements. People come from all over the world to express their opinions about topics that they are passionate about. Earlier this year, the Black Lives Matter protests were happening, and though they were happening all over the world, New York was one of the places to have the most media coverage and was essentially to be an important city doing it. New York is one of the most popular and known cities in the world. So, without hesitation, New Yorkers knew that they had to stand up for something that was a flaw in our system. People left their jobs, families, and events just to be part of this movement. New Yorkers knew it was their responsibility to show change in all the injustice happening and sticking together to make the change happen. This specific protest showed the force and power that New Yorkers had on the stereotypical society attitude on this movement.

But for me that wasn’t the moment I realized the freedom of expression I had living here. That time came when I was driving through Manhattan and I saw thousands of people on bicycles yelling “F*ck Donald Trump!”. The message wasn’t the only thing that stood out to me. It was the blatant hatred that all those people had in common. Those New Yorkers who were not afraid of the traffic they were causing, or the response they would get for expressing their opinions. Instead they stood up for what they believed in. So, at that moment, I realized that New York was a place I respected a lot. The protests made me feel that I am free to voice my concerns about the state of the world, or even the simple dilemmas I have on the day to day. People from all over the world come here to talk and protest about their own countries’ problems. It is an ethnically diverse place that so many people are comfortable to express their concerns in. New York really symbolizes the statement, “the land of freedom”.

I have been living in New York my whole life. I was born in the Bronx and spent most of my life in New York City. Almost every time I tell people that I’m from there, they ask, “Isn’t it dangerous to live there?”, “Do you feel safe?”, “Don’t you feel discriminated against, by the people living there?”. And to that I say, New York is the one place I will always feel safe and comfortable. I have now realized how grateful I am to be living somewhere I can express myself proudly. Somewhere, where I can wear my hijab and not be afraid of the response I will get, unlike many places that can’t express their freedom of identity truly. (An example is the state in which the people of Uyghurs are going through that are under Chinese control who are getting mistreated and put into camps because of their religion). I am grateful that I have the opportunity to stand up for my religious and personal beliefs. New York is the place I can call home. A memory that I’m really fond of being part of was, when my parents brought me to a protest. I remember being in front of these huge pillars, with giant buildings behind it, and thousands of people all around me. I hear chants of “MAKE EID A HOLIDAY”, “WE WANT A DAY OFF”, “DON’T DISCRIMINATE AGAINST OUR RELIGION”. There were all types of people there. Nobody cared about what race you were from. For a moment, we stood together as if we all knew each other. Now that I look back at it, I’m proud to be a New Yorker and be able to make change happen for a huge group of people. My parents brought me to this protest because they wanted to teach the importance of standing up for what I believed in. Whether it was equality between genders, between races or religions. They wanted to explain to me that I was living in a place where I have a voice, and that I could bring change into the world, with peaceful protests. That was seven years ago, and now we do have change. Eid has been part of the general calendars, and they have also added days off, for people that are respectfully celebrating. So thinking back at it, I am immensely proud of being in, and having the opportunity to be part of, one of the many protests that took place to make that happen. Zadie Smith similarly writes in Under the Banner of New York “There, a young white woman with a baby was trying to get over the curb to cross the street when something disintegrated in the undercarriage of her stroller; a wheel rolled away, the stroller lurched, and collapsed. The baby remained strapped in, but its huge and heavy carrier was being held at the horizontal level only by his mother’s efforts… I found myself a provisional member of a small group—a half-dozen people—who had all stepped forward at the exact same moment. We were white, black, Asian, tall, short, male, female, young, very young, and old. One of us was in a custodian’s uniform. I was wearing a denim jumpsuit. Two of us were dressed for real jobs. One had a skateboard. We were “a cross-section of the population.”” I relate this to my encounter with all sorts of people in the protest. Nobody cared about how you looked or what job you had, we all were there to help out and create change. And so, the same goes with Zadie Smith. She wanted to show the kindness that the fellow New Yorkers had on a person that needed help. That relates to the people who were seeking a voice to the people who are trying to give a voice.

But the constant protests have made me reflect on whether it’s worth living in New York. As a New Yorker, I feel that it is my responsibility to be part of these movements, and that I need to influence and educate the rest of the world about the injustice and inequality people face. So, with that, I feel pressured. I’m still unsure of what’s right and wrong, and my clueless stance on the political issues that are going on. But I notice that, the people who don’t live in major cities rely on those people to give a voice towards their concerns. And so, this social pressure of living here and saying the right things that might help many people is difficult. But the beauty of living in New York is that you have a voice that many people might follow. Like the Black Lives Matter Movement, and many other protests that are currently going on such as gun control, and defunding the police (Anti Police Brutality). We are creating history in New York. Our city is one of the most popular and known cities, that it’s on me to express my own opinion, and other people’s opinions that can’t express it. As a New Yorker I want to take full advantage of this, and help out the people that are silenced and don’t have the same freedom. But with that, I would want to visit places that don’t have voices because their country doesn’t allow it. New York has taught me the importance of freedom of speech.

Though I am currently flip flopping through life. I once believed that New York was my forever. A place I would continue to grow up in, make a career in, start a family and grow old in. But now it’s a place I would just put close to my heart. I’ve noticed that most people are not happy living here. They’re either miserable because of their work (or financial situation) or are unhappy having the same routine. As Joan Didion wrote in Goodbye to All That, “I can remember now, with a clarity that makes the nerves in the back of my neck constrict, when New York began for me, but I cannot lay my finger upon the moment it ended, can never cut through the ambiguities and second starts and broken resolves to the exact place on the page where the heroine is no longer as optimistic as she once was.” She explores this idea that, she still didn’t get clarity and answers from New York. The amount of time that she stayed she still felt lost and didn’t know when things were going to get better. But my case is different from Joan Didion. Yes, I am unsure of what I want, but it is because New York has taught me about so many different cultures and religions. I have now wanted to widen my horizon. Instead of constricting myself to living in one place. I have grown this fascination about living in new areas because of living in New York. This place is so ethnically diverse that I have this new drive to learn more about them.